Coaches
| 11.1.24

What We Say Matters: Messaging to Kids

When coaches yell from the sidelines, what are they actually saying?

Language I hear from coaches on the pitch, almost every weekend:

  • "get in there!" "shoot!" "pressure" "so-and-so, you take the throw/corner/free kick" (may be needed for very young kids)
  • "why weren't you there?" "why didn't you take that shot?" "we worked on this in practice, why can't you do it today?" "why did you do that?"
  • "you messed up that corner kick, so you're coming out"
  • "ref, that's bull---" or "come ON, ref" or "how was that offside?!"


Coaches (and parents) think their messages are motivating and encouraging, but they might actually be shaming, blaming and harmful.
Consider if your communication is:

  • shaming (especially for making mistakes, because making mistakes is literally the best way for kids to learn & grow)
  • distracting (constant directions distract, they don't help)
  • disrespectul 


Sports teams can teach kids lessons they can use in life, now and in the future. It's always worth reflecting on your messaging and making every attempt to model and create a safe space where kids learn:

  • respect for self and others
  • leadership, ownership, decision-making
  • making mistakes is acceptable and healthy 
  • resilience
  • a lifelong love of being active


Statiscally most kids playing soccer today won't become a D1 athlete, get a college scholarship or become a professional athlete. But all kids need healthy life skills. Coaches, how can you participate in teaching kids these skills and in developing good humans?

There is a growing body of research and literature on this (& related) subjects, here are some that I am familiar with:

If you are a like-minded coach and would like to connect, please add your feedback and resources below and/or reach out directly! (Hazen Sewell, hazendss@gmail.com)